Confession: I have been asleep since Wednesday. I woke up for a hot minute to update my cousins and check on my mom but for 48 hours I have been asleep. It’s been a rough 2021 for me. It started out fighting for my life against Covid-19 and now I am looking at the mortality of my mother, the woman who is my everything, my cheerleader, the woman who taught me to live. I believe I have slept for 48 hours because of worry. I am not a worrier. I choose faith over fear and eternally optimistic that things will be fine. But-this year I have worried more than I have in the rest of my life combined. I’m not proud of it because I should trust God more. I am admitting weakness. My weakness-living without my parents. They are such an ever present part of my life, the joy in my heart, the life within me, the memories I smile at, the ones responsible for anything I am today.
My momma is in afib. They would shock her heart and she would be remarkably better immediately. It wasn’t so. And my worry negan. Is this our new normal? Am I going to lose my mother and be faced with how to live without her? I’m not ready. Will I ever be? Probably not. But I surely am not today. We have shopping to do, cheesecake to eat, and discussions to have. She has to see the children get married and have children. She needs to see what Ben makes of himself. She needs to see what the girls make of themselves. I beg she be restored to health so we have years to go.
ive been worrying. Momma had a second shock this week and was having issues again. Worry. Sleep. Worry some more. Worrying is a lack of trust in God. Lack of trust that God will do what is best. It’s a shame. I’m being selfish. Maybe what is best is not in line with my wants. Maybe it is. Today, symptoms are subsiding and hope is at the forefront again. I am so grateful. Through this, I have learned a lesson or two. I’ve learned that admitting guilt and repenting is very freeing.
What are you worrying about? What do you need to trust God about? He loves us so much that our picture is on his refrigerator. Is that someone that He would do harm to? Would you harm your children? God won’t either. So join me in trusting God. And let’s skip the worry.
Best Days Are Made
Jennifer Anglin is a motivational speaker, life coach and author who shares personal stories of triumphs and tragedies to give hope to a dying world.